Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
