I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
