I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
