Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize