as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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