Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
