Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
