He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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