Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
