I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
