i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
