The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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