Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
