i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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