haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
