I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
