I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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