Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
