but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
