she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
