You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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