Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
