You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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