You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
