I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
