Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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