We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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