Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
