Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have demons in me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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