well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm always down for nudity.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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