Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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