According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
