I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
