For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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