I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
