I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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