Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
