So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
