Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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