I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
