She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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