I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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