I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
