please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
