i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
