now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
