I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
