Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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