did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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