Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
